East Lake’s Most Eligible Bachelor: Russ St. George
March 15, 2016
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Russ St. George is a man that women just can’t resist. He takes them back to the time of chivalry when he puts on his green Madrigal cape. Not only is he a musician, but he is also a television personality on East Lake’s own Eagle Eye News. His dashing good looks and exciting personality get women on their knees begging for a date with him.
SH: Stephanie Hamilton
RS: Russ St. George
SH: What’s your ideal date?
RS: I’d take her around in the minivan, talk about politics of course. I like to keep it sophisticated.
SH: Why do you think women go crazy for you?
RS: The hair; luscious locks is probably a better thing to call it.
SH: What’s your favorite hobby?
RS: Maintaining a doughy yet huggable physique.
SH: How do you do that?
RS: Little to no exercise and a mediocre diet.
SH: Do you think you attract more ladies from being a television star or a Renaissance man?
RS: The crazier females come from Eagle Eye, but I’d say I get equal amounts from both, just different types of women. I love when she can pull off a hoop skirt.
SH: Describe your perfect girl.
RS: Definitely shorter than me; that’s it.
SH: Do you get stopped on the streets very often for pictures and autographs?
RS: Oh, all the time. Usually they mistake me for Whoopi Goldberg.
SH: What’s your favorite thing about yourself?
RS: Oh wow, I’d say all of it. Everything.
SH: If you could take any teacher to prom who would it be?
RS: A mix between John Loftus and Tara Barbieri.
SH: Are you going to prom?
RS: Yes, with previously mentioned teacher(s).
SH: How are you going to prompose?
RS: With this haiku about Lindsay Lohan.
This is not a plea.
You are my Lindsay Lohan.
Go to prom with me!
SH: What color is your dress?
SH: What are you looking forward to for your senior year?
RS: Being the editor of The Talon. 😉
SH: Do you prefer being single or are you looking to settle down?
RS: This is a difficult question. I would have to say being single because it rhymes with pringle.
SH: Describe yourself in three words.
RS: Russell, Saint, George.
SH: Can you think of any words that aren’t your name?
RS: No comment.
SH: What advice do you have for other young men looking to get lots of attention from the ladies?
RS: Join Madrigals. You get to wear tights and see girls change.
SH: What’s your favorite part about being a bachelor?
RS: This interview.
SH: Do you have anything to say to your many fans and admirers?
RS: You can look, but don’t touch.
Being a junior, Russ is the perfect age to date any girl in high school. He isn’t very picky, so as long as you are shorter than 5’9” you could be a potential suitor for this classy Renaissance man. Being escorted around in his minivan would definitely be a perk and make you feel like you are riding with him on his trusty steed. You better hurry if you want a chance with this hunk because Mrs. Barbieri or Mr. Loftus might take him up on his offer to go to prom and you want to walk in with the soon-to-be king. Just remember ladies, until you’re officially together there’s no touching allowed.