Desserts disguising themselves as breakfast food
April 13, 2017
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How many times have we convinced ourselves that a stack of pancakes or a pile of French toast is a wholesome way to start off the day? When I started to think about it, I realized that breakfast can be a sneaky way to low key eat dessert for an entire meal (thank you to whoever made sugar-loaded carbs commonplace at seven o’clock in the morning). Here’s a list of some typical sugary goodness that we try to pass off as breakfast food.
- Pancakes: I’m not sure why they didn’t just stick with the name “flapjacks” because the word “pancake” is not even trying to hide the fact that it should be a dessert (it literally has the word “cake” in it). The pancake itself doesn’t seem so harmful, but after being doused in syrup, whipped cream, and other delicious toppings (who can say no to a chocolate chip pancake??), you might as well be eating a piece of birthday cake. If you’d like to convince yourself that you’re being semi-healthy, try a blueberry or banana pancake so that at least you can sneak in the fruit food group amid all that sugar.
- Doughnuts: Nothing gets your body and mind ready for the day like a fried dough ring oozing with frosting and topped with sprinkles. We try to trick ourselves into thinking that doughnuts are perfectly normal breakfast foods since they pair so well with coffee, but a doughnut is probably the equivalent of typical fried state fair food. Dunkin Donuts was obviously trying to one-up the fairs when it released the brownie batter donut.
- Muffins: Muffins can be so deceiving because oftentimes they pass for being healthy and easy to eat when you’re in a rush in the morning. But let’s be honest: muffins are pretty much naked cupcakes. Would you choose a bran muffin over chocolate chip or blueberry? The reason we choose the latter options is because the sugar in them is what actually makes them taste good, as opposed to the bran muffin which is stocked full of fibrous, questionable ingredients.
- Pop Tarts: Pop Tarts are hilarious because they are so bad at disguising themselves as healthy breakfast options. For starters, they come in packs of two so you feel obligated to eat both so that the other one doesn’t get lonely sitting there by itself in the foil wrapping. Next are the flavors: strawberry, cherry, and blueberry seem legit, but cookies and cream, ice cream sundae, and s’mores are simply crossing the line. Then Pop Tarts try to save themselves by offering “whole grain” and “frostingless” options, but these are just insulting attempts at persuading people that Pop Tarts are healthy. If you are a Pop Tarts fan like me, embrace it and don’t stoop to the level of a toaster pastry with no frosting.
As you can see, while it might not be the “ice cream for breakfast” dreams of your childhood, there are plenty of ways to work dessert into your everyday morning. No wonder breakfast is the most important meal of the day!