The “tragic” pregnancy of Snooki

Parker Fox, Sports Editor

Although she initially denied it, Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi is three months pregnant.  The America of tomorrow will not only have to address a $15 trillion debt, but will also deal with the offspring of Snooki and her boyfriend, Jianni LaValle.  When questioned about possibly being pregnant on February 1, Snooki eloquently retorted, “Does that mean they’re calling me fat? That means that I have a belly then.”

            “I really like Snooki.  I watch Jersey Shore every Jersday and she is my favorite character.  I’m from New York and I love the fist pumping!” says freshman Evan Fratus. 

            Many students at East Lake share Evan’s viewpoint on the show.  The portrayal of New Jersey as a slimy, classless cesspool has offended others.  Junior Ryan Roth says, “I’m from Jersey and those people couldn’t be a poorer representation of what it’s really like.”

            Whether you enjoy the show or not, MTV cringed at the news of Snooki’s pregnancy.  A pregnant Snooki could really throw off the creative ideas planned by the shows producers, not to imply that reality TV isn’t 100% legitimate.   Perhaps a pregnant Snooki could be molded into the “plot” of the show, but if ratings went down from the dramatic new plot twist, Jersey Shore could be over forever and the world would quite simply not know what to do. 

            Luckily for Snooki, her boyfriend Jianni will make a great father and their relationship appears to be fairly permanent.   When she appeared on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno, Snooki showed maturity and wisdom beyond her years with this statement, “I live my life crazy partying whatever, but I’m ready to settle down and have a little baby.”

            And as we all wonder how to cope with the off season of Jersey Shore, we must wait patiently for what is sure to be a thoughtful, original season five.  Luckily, filming for the upcoming season was done in August 2011, but for the future of the show and for the sake of American entertainment, Snooki will manage to avoid pregnancy again in the near future.