Signs of Spring
Your springtime horoscopes
March 26, 2017
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With the rapid approach of springtime, it is important to remember that life is uncertain. However, your horoscope is always there to help you out with the wild variability life presents. Here are your horoscopes for April and the rest of the spring season!
Aries (Mar 21-Apr 19)
Prom is in less than a month, but that hasn’t prevented you from planning on buying your outfit, ticket, or getting a date. Whoops.
Taurus (Apr 20-May 20)
If you are an unlucky Taurus, your birthday probably falls right in the middle of AP exams. It’s okay; all of that studying will (hopefully) pay off when scores come out in July! Work hard now so you can party hard later.
Gemini (May 21-Jun 20)
Easter is such a jovial, exciting holiday that everyone seems to enjoy—except for you. Why is one of the main commercial symbols of this holiday an egg? Not only are hard boiled eggs disgusting, but dyeing the pastel colors serves no purpose in this world. Your utilitarian self will be thrilled once this day has passed.
Cancer (Jun 21-Jul 22)
Even though the weather is absolutely beautiful, you still spend your entire day sitting inside and neglecting to socialize with your friends. There are so many bugs outside; channel their energy and try to become a social butterfly!
Leo (Jul 23-Aug 22)
Expect a beautiful and heartwarming prom-posal soon…just be aware that your significant other may have something a little extravagant planned. Don’t be scared off by their grand attempt at romance!
Virgo (Aug 23-Sep 22)
Your bank account is still recovering from Christmas shopping. You even blew through all the gift cards you received. Seriously, spend some days in work out your budget. While deficit spending may be good for the government, it probably isn’t for you.
Libra (Sep 23-Oct 22)
It’s barely summer and you are already at the beach every single day, including weekends and after school. Chill out a little bit; the water will still be there in the summer. Try focusing on your studies a little while you can—or bring something to the beach with you if you must. Make productivity one of your priorities, beach bum!
Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21)
If life was an Easter egg hunt, you would have zero eggs.
Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21)
You’re just upset that there is still more than half a year until Halloween. It’s okay because spring time can be scary too. Just thing of all the allergies, bugs, and the humidity that returns after winter. Terrifying! In the meantime, try to entertain yourself with one of the thousands of horror movies on Netflix.
Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19)
You can’t stand warm weather, even though your wardrobe consists exclusively of sweatshirts and jeans. There seems to be some cognitive dissonance here: you should either buy some acceptable clothes for the Florida spring/summer or move to Canada.
Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18)
Your life has been lacking in culture lately. Discover some new music, visit an art museum, or go see East Lake High School’s production of Guys and Dolls on March 30, 31, or April 1! Doors open at 6:30 each night, and there is also a matinee on Saturday. Seriously, don’t miss it.
Pisces (Feb 19-Mar 20)
Your life currently resembles a springtime garden: while some small vegetables have started to sprout, most of the tiny plants are wilted and neglected. You obviously have a lot on your plate, but I believe you can get through it! Drink tons of water and you should be fine.