Dear deer

An+amateur+sketch+of+the+beast+based+on+descriptions+by+travelers.
An amateur sketch of the beast based on descriptions by travelers.

An amateur sketch of the beast based on descriptions by travelers.

An amateur sketch of the beast based on descriptions by travelers.

Joe Ficarrotta, Features Editor

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Legend has it that a mysterious creature roams the forests of Lansbrook. It is neither man nor beast. It looms in the dark corners of consciousness and reality. Some say it is from the fifth dimension, a figment of one’s imagination born into reality. This being’s name is as mysterious as its origins. Common names for it are the deer-man, el chupacabra and the 鹿男 (a Japanese word that translates to deer-man). African poachers have been hunting down this beast for thousands of years. They say it has the face of a man and the body of a deer.  It was a dark and stormy night when a group of hunters were wandering through the woods, looking for a ten point buck to feed their families. They spotted it. The biggest deer any of them had ever seen. The lead hunter looked through his scope and had a clean shot at the back of the animal’s head. That was when he saw it. The beast turned his head towards the group. They couldn’t believe their eyes. This so-called deer had the face of a man. The face looked like that of an East Lake senior with minimal acne, a great smile and a bit of a twinkle in his eye. They all let out a gasp in unison. Lightning flashed, temporarily blinding them. When their vision returned, the monster was gone. I have secured an exclusive interview with one of the hunters who saw the beast on that fateful night. His name is Spencer Deppermann, a boy with has a great smile, a twinkle in his eye and a small amount of acne. He claims to have a clear memory of the night.  “Yeah, I abandoned the group to see if I could find a buck myself, and it was standing right in front of me with its powerful hind legs and strong sturdy antlers that any deer would be hunted for. The rest of my crew was about a hundred yards away so they didn’t get a full glance at my r… I mean his rock hard hooves. Maybe he is just a troubled deer who needs some alone time to figure out his problems. Maybe people should stop treating him like an animal. They don’t know what it’s like to be the Minotaur in the center of the maze.  It should be a protected animal,” he said with a quick anxious tone as a single tear fell down his cheek.  When I asked why none of his crew could see him and the deer at the same time, he stared at me blankly like a deer looking at headlights. He rearranged his “save the deer-man” hat and quickly galloped out of the room. As the story goes, every crescent moon, Lansbrook residents can hear the cries of a boy then followed by what some say are called the deer-man grunts. After a nice summer rain, some have spotted human footprints in mud that slowly turn into deer tracks.  This anomaly is still out there. He is lurking in the shadows, watching. Whatever its intentions, it is here; he is among us, and we must learn to live with him. Spencer also mentioned that if you have any fresh cut grass to drop it off at these coordinates: Lattitude:28.110371, Longitude:-82.698588.  (cue X-Files music)

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