Trash Talk Prior to the Big Junior-Senior Eating Competition

The Battle is one before the eating begins.


High stakes, higher cholesterol

Wyatt Harris, Staff Writer

It has been a Talon tradition for some years now that two staff members will embark on ridiculous food eating challenges and write about their experiences. This has typically been a right reserved for two senior staff members but this year two junior staff writers had the audacity to hold this mantle: Patrick Roghaar and Sean Cunningham.

Naturally, I took this assertion of power as a direct shot to my honor and I have been secretly harboring resentment for these two gentlemen for the entire school year. Foolishly they have accepted a challenge that I suggested that will pit fellow Senior Egan Beauvais and myself in and epic food challenge battle against the two juniors. The fact of the matter is, however, this is not about the article, the grade, or even the pride for me. This is about avenging the disrespect these two juniors have for tradition and seniority.

On paper it may not look like a close match; Pat and Sean both have been doing these challenges all year and have gained a lot of valuable experience. Egan also has the slightest frame of the group and does not look like he could throw down when it comes down to eating food. However, I am 100% confident that my team will not only win this challenge, but we will embarrass the junior duo.

The junior team is simply not ready for the amount of effort I am going to put in and pain I am willing to suffer through in order to win this challenge. I fast until two in the afternoon each day and you better believe that when it comes game time I will not be touching a morsel of food until at least four in the afternoon. Furthermore, I have put Egan on a strict eating regimen so he will continue to expand his stomach, and then he will cut just prior to the event.

Whatever the food challenge ends up being, I want both juniors to know that I will go plate for plate, pepper for pepper, gallon for gallon, for both of them until they have to quit, and then I will continue the challenge for good measure.

Even Egan will definitely step up to the plate and help me absolutely embarrass these two during this challenge. Imagine Mayweather v. McGregor, and that’s about as good of a chance the Juniors have of beating us. Stay tuned in the next edition of The Talon and on The Talon website for the results and updates on the food challenge.