Food Challenge Scouting Report

Egan Beauvais, shown above, eating his nugs before dessert. He must finish all his meat, however, if he wants his pudding.
Photo from www.masterfile.com

Egan Beauvais, shown above, eating his nugs before dessert. He must finish all his meat, however, if he wants his pudding. Photo from www.masterfile.com

Patrick Roghaar, Staff Writer

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If you are up to date with current events, or watch any form of news, you should be aware of The Talon’s upcoming food challenge of the century. The junior writers will face off against the seniors at McDonald’s, a more elegant eatery of sort, where each grade will be tasked with downing as many chicken nuggets as possible. Only one grade will come on top. Let’s meet the contenders.

Patrick Roghaar, myself, a junior that’s hungry both for victory and crispy golden McDonald’s nuggets. I have had my ups and downs in the food challenges. My eating rate is very abrupt, as I start out fast, like ridiculously fast, and slow down as my stomach fills with nonsense food. I also conveniently have been fighting a stomach virus rather recently, which could prove as a significant disadvantage in the upcoming challenge. The timing is just perfect with all my illnesses. One thing is for sure though: when I am hungry, I will eat.

Sean Cunningham, junior, and steady-eating comrade of mine. He is very consistent with his eating habits, as he generally keeps the same pace through the entirety of the challenge. It is apparent that certain foods trigger Sean’s stomach earlier than others, as the Steak n Shake challenge was a catastrophe. These chicken nuggets, however, are not the dairy items that we once had, and therefore Sean will most likely prove to be a valuable asset to the team.

Now for the Seniors. Starting off with Egan Beauvais, he is a wildcard. Not much his known about his consuming habits, but it appears not much is consumed. What frightens me is nothing is known about this man. There’s no film for me to watch to find a weakness in his abilities. He could be the reason we lose this challenge.

Lastly, we have Wyatt Harris. The big man on campus. This burley fella could potentially channel his inner Zen with his jiu jitsu nonsense and block out the fact that he’s shoving tasteless balls of chicken down his gullet. Wyatt has been talking quite a bit. Let’s hope he uses his mouth only for talking and not for eating too much, because this man is essentially a walking cheat code.

There you have it. The rundown of our challenge. If you would like to come and support, I’ve believe the Blue Crue section is the booths next to our tables. Come on down to the McDonald’s across the street from the Boot Ranch plaza, and support your two favorite Talon writers, or support the unbalanced not prepared “team” that is the seniors.

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