Service not so secret any longer

Jimmy Skaaland, Staff Writer

We have learned of the Secret Service’s biggest secret.  A few of those straight laced tough guys are not quite as serious as they appear to be. In fact, it appears that they could hang with the wildest of frat boys.

Three Secret Service agents have already lost their jobs after it was reported that 11 agents and 10 members of the U.S. military engaged the services of as many as 20 prostitutes in one wild night while they were doing work for President Obama’s visit to Colombia. According to reports, the all day drunken spree with prostitutes came to light when one of the women got upset when one agent refused to pay her a fee worthy of her status.  Unfortunately for the Secret Service, prostitution is completely legal in Colombia, so she complained to the police.  This is what caused their secret to become quite public.

The President’s safety was never in danger from prostitutes; these particular agents were not part of the elite squad that protects the President.  There is no evidence that other agents at other times engaged in the same sort of activity. Plus, as previously stated, what they were doing was not against the law. Nevertheless, the incident has become quite the black eye for not only the secret service, but also the White House with many Republicans criticizing the President directly for the actions of these Secret Service members.