Was Al Gore right?

Was Al Gore right?

The 85 degree January weather may lend some credence to Gore’s views.

Parker Fox, Editor-in-Chief

Sitting here in what’s supposed to be the comfort of my own home, the intense heat seems to burn through the glass window adjacent to me and the sun forces me to squint.  I apologize for any misspellings.  I apologize for that joke.  The point is that it’s January and it doesn’t take an experienced scientist to realize that global warming will bury our world as we know it.  With water.  Literally.  By some estimates the state of Florida will be under water in just a few hundred years.

            By the grace of God there are courageous men out there with the moxie to challenge our current ways of living, ways that will inevitably lead to our demise.  Men like Al Gore.  Gore still travels around the country delivering speeches about the dangers of fossil fuels.  It’s possible that he gives these speeches for free.  Always true to himself, Gore’s private jet does not run on gasoline.  It burns hatred and fear to propel itself forward, as reported by Talon investigative reporter Steve Aebersold.  Since his Vice Presidency in the Clinton years and his subsequent run for President, Gore has gained a significant amount of press in this country, even making multiple appearances in Comedy Central’s South Park.  In these episodes, Gore warns of a deadly creature that is half man, half bear, and half pig.  Manbearpig.  The ignorant members of the backwards town in Colorado refuse to believe Gore, who is only trying to save the world for future generations.  The results are catastrophic.  Similarly, if we don’t fundamentally alter the way we live in this country we will also pay the price.

  If there is one thing I know for sure, it is that I am very hot right now.  Hotter than I was last year, and way hotter than the year before that.  In fact, I think it may have even snowed here four years ago.  I’m ready to change the way I live for Al.  Are you?