East Lake’s secret killer

Parker Fox, Editor-in-Chief

We all know that public schools may not be the most sanitary environments around.  The first month of school always illustrates this point as a majority of the student body mopes around coughing and sneezing.  Put about 3,000 teenagers in a confined building for six hours a day with insufficient cleaning services and you wind up with a breeding ground for harmful bacteria and viruses.  We all know that the bathrooms should be avoided at all costs.  We all know that the “five second rule” doesn’t apply when food is dropped on classroom carpets.  But perhaps the greatest danger zone of them all goes unacknowledged by your average student- the water fountains. 

                We begin with the obvious sanitation concern, that being the occasional kid who may actually make contact with the fountain while attempting to hydrate himself.  It has happened to everyone at some point, hopefully only at a younger age.  You bend over, tired and dizzy, for a drink of refreshing, room temperature tap water and come away realizing that you made contact with the fountain itself.  I would be willing to bet Steve Aebersold’s life that such an infraction in etiquette occurs at least five times a year on each fountain here on our illustrious campus.  I would be willing to bet my own life that those fountains have never, ever been sanitized with some type of disinfectant.

                “The water fountains here are totally fine,” says senior Austin Teall.  “I drink from them every day and I turned out just fine.”

                While both of Austin’s claims are debatable at best, there is hard science to prove that the fountains should be removed for the good of the community.  Talon biologist Thomas Iacobucci concluded after several tests to have discovered twenty-seven different forms of the Chinese bird flu alive and well on the rim of the spout that emits the water.  Iacobucci was not available for comment. 

                Whether you decide that Austin’s or Thomas’ claim seems most logical is truly irrelevant.  The worst thing that could possibly happen would be the contraction of some awful disease ending in death, and we’re all going to die eventually.  So I leave you with a Florida Writes style call to action: bring your own water bottle to school, not that I really care anyway.