Welcome to “the Lake”!

Just one of the many scenic views at “the Lake.”

Just one of the many scenic views at “the Lake.”

Antonio Amram, Staff Writer

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Isn’t simply wonderful? “The Lake” has such a quaint atmosphere- the outdoor classroom, the fenced-in pond, the senior spots that have yet to be repainted from eons ago- such a lovely place. All the rooms and hallways have been recently painted a nice calming “storm cloud gray” to really help you focus. As if those weren’t enough amenities, the cafeteria features barely-edible pizza as often as twice a week, with minimal health violations (pay no attention to the roaches in the performing arts buildings- the last tenants to complain suffered a fate worse than death… a transfer to Tarpon).

The wilderness surrounding this property is simply breathtaking: the chain link fences, the patched asphalt roads, the scenic 7-11- words do it no justice. Additionally, this comes with several pets! The AP World gator is included with the property; the previous owners moved literally anywhere else and as a result were unable to keep him. But hey, he’s there to help you dispose of any food trash or evidence you ever need to get rid of!

The climate here at this property is simply heavenly year-round. Why bother with that annoying frozen water blocking roads when you could get the same result with regular liquid water? Just swap out that toboggan for a kayak and you’re all ready to go to school, work, illegal drug trades, or whatever other totally legal activities one might get into around here! Additionally, for those concerned about a Superstorm Sandy-type storm, worry no longer: we don’t get any non-cocaine snow around here (just keep an eye out for that Andrew- he did some damage during his time in the neighborhood).

The neighbors here admittedly lower the value of this fine property, with their constant botched attempts at one-upsmanship and the occasional field forking, not to mention the tempestuous behavior while playing sports with the rest of the neighborhood. The band their angsty teenagers play in is actually pretty decent, though, in all fairness, so that’s a big plus. Who wouldn’t enjoy live music at all hours of the day? And if the proposal for before-school practices goes through, well, let’s just say that the neighbor’s kids ain’t ever gonna’ shut up.

However, we here at the Talon Real Estate feel as though the many benefits of this estate outweigh the very few negatives. The gymnasium and cul-de-sac kickball arena has a special section just for the enthusiastic screaming inebriates (for both teams), and as mentioned before, the parking is endless, and even gives you a built-in workout to your day! And if you’re worried about the heat, well then, let me just show you the pool…

Here’s to another year at East Lake!

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