Pickles suck

The juicy green fiends

The juicy green fiends

Amber McGinnis, Staff Writer

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Pickles are an absolute disgrace to humanity. These green evils seem to come with any dish I ever order at a restaurant, either on the sandwich itself or on the side. There’s really no reason to just assume people want them and go ahead and include such a pungent food. If it’s on just in the side, it’s usually less of a fatality as it will typically only result in the loss of a few fries or chips or whatever side dish I have. On the flip side, if it is on the sandwich, game over, I need a new one, no questions asked. People most often say silly things such as “just take it off” or “just wipe off the area where it was.” These are not solutions, pickles are juicy little fiends and their taste lingers. It is basically like spilling wine on a nice white shirt and someone handing you a napkin and saying “just wipe it off.” Surprise, it won’t work yield the optimal results that you are hoping for.


At restaurants, I never fail to order my food WITHOUT pickles, no matter what dish it is, just to be on the safe side. To my disappointment, many restaurants fail to adhere to my specific instructions. Most places also choose to use pickles as a garnish on the side of the plate, however, the pickle juice will seep everywhere and turn your nice toasty bread into a soggy mistake. It’s gotten to the point where I have to tell the restaurants to write down that I am allergic to pickles so maybe they actually take my request into consideration. I would say the most tragic story surrounding this occurred at a Chick-fil-A drive-thru. If you order with a specific request, usually if it’s correct, they put a sticker on the bag with your request printed on it. One day I got my bag and it had not one, but two stickers with the words “NO PICKLES” so as my mom and I were driving away, I opened the bag and saw that they had included pickles anyways, so we had to go back. Luckily, we got a coupon out of it, but overall, I think life is much easier if we don’t assume everyone likes pickles. If you want a pickle, ask for it like you would if you want sauce for your fries.


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