Recovery from the Gordita

People just like me are falling head over heels for the Gordita but what is it hiding?


The truth about the recovery against the Gordita. Photo credit: Reddit

Brock Maloy, Ad Manager

Two weeks ago, I opened up for the first time about my battle with the Gordita. In all honesty it was tough to talk about.  Fighting the Gordita has been a mental warfare with my opponent having unlimited strength.  I would describe it as a Chinese finger trap; the more you attempt to free yourself, the stronger the grip. I have been clean of the Gordita for five days now and the visions have gotten stronger and the dreams have become more vivid.  I have had Gordita attacks in class and I go blind to everything around and anything yellow turns into a Gordita. For example, when teachers have yellow pieces of paper on the wall, the paper converts into a Gordita and my class is shot. The dreams, well they are just horrific;  Gorditas have taken over the world in them or ended the world. Some people say global warming is going to be the end of us, but I’m confident it will be the crunchy delight known as the Gordita.

Sometimes I wonder if I should eat one just to end the suffering, but then I think about my friends and family and realize I couldn’t do that to them.  So I fight the urge all day and night and try my hardest to prevent people from trying it.  Sadly, I can’t stop everybody, though. I watched fellow East Laker Reece Marley tear through his first Gordita with lightning speed and efficiency.  I was hoping since maybe he consumed it so quickly, the effects of the overwhelming burst of taste and crunch wouldn’t scar him.  I was wrong, however.  Two minutes later, he said, “The Gordita is life changing.” I knew we lost another one that that moment.  Sometimes when I look back on the times where I have tried to save people, I get choked up by those I couldn’t help and I wish them a speedy recovery.  I sure am not experiencing a speedy recovery, but I can sense that it’s coming to an end. How long can the Gordita control one’s mind?  Then answer to this madness will have to be investigated further and I have a feeling a new culprit will emerge, one that was hiding in plain sight.