The mustached mastermind

Karl flexing his mismatched ‘stache.

Karl flexing his mismatched ‘stache.

Cooper Nelson, Staff Writer

Biggest prankster of all time?  Karl Marx.  Not ever before has a single man shouldered a task of this caliber.  His ingenious scheme all started in 1848, in a little place we call Russia.  Poor Karl was bored of counting Siberian tigers, making snow angels, and grueling over school work.  So, Karl decided to take action.  Conveniently enough, he had a passion for writing plays and poetry, this would come in handy in his later endeavors.  The first phase of his plan? A book he wrote, which he later coined The Communist Manifesto.

With his plan in motion Karl knew he needed to move with precision.  Karl and his partner in crime, Friedrich Engels, quickly gained a following because of their prestigious academic backgrounds.  Karl had them all right where he wanted them.  He next needed a figurehead, so his next target was Vladimir Lenin.  Lenin, the head of the Bolsheviks, seized power soon after and put into place the world’s first communist regime.  Lenin made for the perfect puppet for Marx, seeing as he believed and would say just about anything.

Karl couldn’t believe how far he had come.  He had actually managed to get an entire nation to buy into his plot.  Like how idiotic were these people?  Sometimes he had to bite his cheek to keep from grinning at the thought of how all these people had bought into his hoax.  His concept was simple: he convinced them that a sort of rainbow land, where all people were perfectly equal in all facets of life, was easily attainable.  Even he knew it in no way was feasible, sustainable, or even made sense for that matter.

Russia served as a proof of concept for Karl.  He even earned a nifty nickname in the process, Father of Communism.  So, what was next for Papa Karl?  He set his eyes on Russia’s neighbor to the south, the Chinese.  And sure enough in 1921, the Communist Party of China was born.  And after the Chinese hopped on the wave, Communism spread like wildfire.

I think even Karl was surprised at how gullible these people were, like did they think he was serious?  So, what was his motive for his elaborate hijinks?  Historians can only speculate.  Was he insecure about his strangely discolored mustache?  Did he have an angst against lazy people?  Did he have a deep seeded hate for Chinese food? The world may never know.Karl flexing his mismatched ‘stache