I want a pet monkey


Rapper/ Cool pet pioneer Swae Lee with Naya, a capuchin monkey

Cooper Nelson, Staff Writer

I had a fish once.  It sucked.  It didn’t do anything.  Why would anyone ever want to own that? I’m not a big cat guy either, partly because I’m allergic, partly because I just think they are weird animals.  Anything that can be trained to go to the bathroom in a box raises some serious questions for me.

Rapper Swae Lee is an innovator in the cool pet space.  Swae Lee has not one, but two monkeys, and believe me, they’re sick.  His two little primate companions are intelligent and outright adorable.  Naya, a capuchin, and Lil G, a spider monkey, spend their days frolicking about the rapper’s luxury home.  And get this, they wear diapers; let’s see your fish do that.  I’ll save you some time, you can’t.

Dogs are cool, but monkeys are better.  Swae Lee posted a video to social media of his monkey looking for food in his kitchen, playing around with his home’s thermostat, and plugging his phone in to charge.  When I see this. I see endless possibilities.  Monkeys are so intelligent there’s no telling what you could teach them to do.

Someday I myself plan to get a monkey or two of my own.  I feel like two of them are ideal, because then they could become friends and wouldn’t ever be lonely.  Make no mistake, my monkeys will be dripping.  Monkey jewelry?  Tell me that’s not a million-dollar idea.  I don’t know if they make monkey designer clothes; if not now, it is only a matter of time.

Citizens of the world, we can do better.  It is 2020, no more fish, no more boring pets.  If we as a collective step up our pet game the sky’s the limit.  Swae Lee is a trailblazer.  The man has the right idea, let’s follow his footsteps to prosperity.