Tim Tebow is Jesus

Tim+Tebow+in+one+of+his+best+moments%3A+destroying+the+Seminoles.+
Tim Tebow in one of his best moments: destroying the Seminoles.

Tim Tebow in one of his best moments: destroying the Seminoles.

Tim Tebow in one of his best moments: destroying the Seminoles.

Michael Trotto, Staff Writer

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I would like to start this story off by providing the reader with a disclaimer. This article is a satirical piece; while Tim Tebow is really awesome, he obviously isn’t actually Jesus. This article was also not written to push any religion on any reader.

With that said, Tim Tebow is Jesus. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. Tebow prays so much that he must rival Jesus himself. Tebow played football and as the famous movie Division Three: Football’s Finest puts it, “Jesus loves football. He had a whole team of disciples. They would play football against them Roman soldiers. And they did.” Tim Tebow and Jesus both love football. If that’s not enough proof, then I don’t know what is. Two guys pray a lot and love football. One of them isn’t around anymore; the other has come to replace him. All I’m saying is I’ve never seen them in the same place at the same time. Tebow came around after Jesus had already passed. Who knows?  Maybe Tebow came in to replace him. The world needed another Jesus figure and the man up above sent Tim Tebow for some Tebow Time.

I can see it happening: the clouds part and a big number 15 comes down, light shining so bright that nobody can tell if the figure is a man or God himself. All that anyone can see is a big number above the rest. 15. Tim Tebow played every college game with “Phil 4:13” on his eye black. Phil 4:13 represents a Bible verse, which reads: “I can do all things from him who gives me strength.” This verse is a direct connection between Tebow and God. If God gave him his strength, who’s to say that God didn’t send Tim Tebow, just as he did with Jesus. And guess what?  It doesn’t stop there. The verse number, 4:13, is a pathway that we can follow. Four plus thirteen is seventeen. If you take the one and three, you can use the three and subtract the one – that gives you two of course. Then, finally seventeen minus two is fifteen. It doesn’t quit there. Fifteen is the same number that Tim Tebow wore throughout his college football career with the Florida Gators. God thought he could hide the secret with some simple arithmetic; well guess what buddy, I’m onto you.

Jesus led people in a way that started one of the most followed religions in the world, and the most followed in the United States. Tim Tebow led people in a very similar way. He led them to SEC Championships and National Championships. Basically the same thing when you really don’t think about it. Tim Tebow even started his own trend. He knelt down and prayed all the time, but one time it was taken into the hearts of millions of people. A crying Tim Tebow emerges from smoke after a thrilling victory with the Broncos. Tebow walks to the end zone and goes down a knee, praying to God, who of course gave him his strength. Just as Jesus did after leading his team of disciples to victory over the Roman soldiers.

All I’m saying is that there can be a case made that shows Tim Tebow is Jesus. Even though this is a satirical piece, Tim Tebow really is one of the best people to walk this Earth, spreading joy and confidence into anyone he meets.

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