Harris v. The Talon

A Tale of Censorship

Smile all you want Mr. Cook, I know the truth. Via twitter.com

Smile all you want Mr. Cook, I know the truth. Via twitter.com

Wyatt Harris, Staff Writer

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Recently I released an eloquent, yet digestible article articulating the shortcomings of Apple’s version of truly wireless ear buds known as the Air Pods. Although the piece was simply profound and could have helped a countless number of perplexed consumers, it was removed from consideration for the paper, and I was consequentially given a lower mark on the investigation. I have known Mrs. Barbieri for four years and she has known my family for at least six years, and even though she has never shied from giving me a fair, if not generous grade on tough assignment, I know that this grade is a result of Apple and the Government censoring me, and I do not fault Mrs. Barbieri for trying to warn me.

Some may be wondering how I came to this conclusion and that it could very well be possible that my piece was simply haphazardly written and not Talon quality, but I can assure you that this is not the case. I have outlined several reasons as to why the censorship of my piece is actually a conspiracy that involves Apple and the Government.

  • Point Number One: The Journalism One students in our class have recently been learning about investigative journalism. Mrs. Barbieri would definitely have wanted a quality investigative piece in the paper for these students to have as a student created example. The only realistic explanation of the bowdlerization of my piece would be that on its way to being included in the paper, Mrs. Barbieri must’ve had to axe my story due to some external pressure.\

 

  • Point Number Two: Apple understands the weight of my rather substantial cult following especially when my articles are published in the paper. Tim Cook, Apple CEO, could not have taken kindly to my detracting yet unprejudiced review of the product and understood the massive hit it would have done to Apple’s market share. Knowing this, I suspect Mr. Cook made considerable contact with the Talon and made sure that this article was not punished. He pulled a Jeff Bezos of sorts, as if you will remember Mr. Bezos purchased the Washington Post. Mr. Cook must have assumed I would take this censorship lightly, but I refuse to sit idly by and watch the 1st Amendment be abused in this way. Furthermore, Apple is rumored to be releasing the second generation of Air Pods relatively soon, and I prophesize they failed to address the points I made in my Op Ed and likely feared this would hurt sales. Either way, and I suspect Mr. Cook saw both threats, this is a gross abuse of power and I will not let the figurative “Man” bully me in this way.

 

  • Point Number Three: The Apple Air Pods are all imbedded with tiny microphones that on the surface level help with phone conversations and voice commands. However, this isn’t the 1950’s anymore and we cannot simply take things on the surface level. The United States government is undoubtedly recording conversations and listening in on us with these microphones in corroboration with Apple. George Orwell feared of Big Brother in 1984, well guess what, we are living in it and simply blind to it. We all know that the NSA has been listening and monitoring the US citizens for years, and now it has become mainstream. I suspect that the government made it known that it was in the Talon’s best interest that my article was not published.

Now the government has in the past attempted to limit what the media can publish, and this is known as prior restraint. In the Supreme Court case New York Times Company v. US, the federal government did not want certain documents leaked, but the Times did it anyway, and the Supreme Court sided with the Times. Therefore, my first lawsuit against the US government should likely go swimmingly. I will then pursue civil litigation against Apple and threaten to press charges of blackmail if they do not concede to my terms of suit. Once I have collected my retributions from the suit, I will purchase the necessary insurance for the Talon, so we can publish my article without fear of persecution. Although I have a long road ahead of me, it will all be worth it, if I can preserve the sanctity of the First Amendment.

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