The Early Bird gets the Worm

My Strange Addictions: ELHS Edition

Here is Wyatt. Photo from

Patrick Roghaar, Staff Writer

It has been brought to my attention that senior student and fellow writer of mine, Wyatt Harris, has grown fond of the earth inhabiting snake-like creature that we all know as the worm. Wyatt, a rather intellectual specimen in his 2019 graduating class, believes these squirming things are essential to the prosperity of our society and can be an easy money grabber for himself and potential investors. His obsession with his worms started from the very beginning, and he has never stopped his craving since.

I have not known Wyatt Harris for too long, maybe a little less than a year. That is a little less than a year’s worth of worm talk. It’s all he can discuss with his friends and family. I feel as though it is getting to the point of concern for his mental health. It is an obsession.  I bet he is writing a similar article about this very topic right now, discussing his plan for success and how someone as intelligent as yourself can be a potential investor. I can read him like a book. His book: I Can’t Stop Thinking About Worms.  I do not have too much knowledge on the subject of his plan for success. All I am aware of his equation for instant profits. Once the worms are factored in, money is made. Now that is a large gap in the process, but I have learned to drain out his worm discussions with myself and other Talon writers.

Mr. Harris has proven to be successful in the classroom, as he will be attending the University of Florida in order to, I would presume, carry on his dream of success with worms.  After doing extensive research, there is no worm club, academy, or association offered at UF. I guess, however, because some form of money-making is involved, Wyatt has a potential to be a business major and pitch his worm obsession with his fellow aspiring businessmen.  Again, in regards to how he will be making this instant millions of dollars, not much is known. Something about changing the world and the worms’ use of the soil. After that it’s all “worm, worms, money, worms, I want your investment, worms, worms, worms.”

In conclusion, I would not doubt that Wyatt’s plan for success to revolutionize the use of the currently useless worm species may prove to be successful. He has been preparing for who knows how many years to put this plan into action, as he loves his worms so dearly. I may not be an investor myself, but that is just because of my lack of funding towards Wyatt’s worms. It is not because of my lack of faith in Wyatt’s worm obsession and that he has taken it a little too far with his plan for profits. I suggest you all remember Wyatt’s Worms. I’m sure the Harris family is asking for as much help as possible to stop these worms from slithering around Wyatt’s mind.